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September 12, 2016
September 11, 2016
Confessions of an Ugly girl!
As a kid, I always tried pleasing the teachers by giving them flowers or little gifts which children of my age did, but I never got that, ‘awwww…. so cute!’ response by any of them! May be I didn’t looked like a cute kid of my age. That was disheartening, but my mom said that was OK! I tried smiling all along but it started affecting my confidence level.
When I came in my teens, the girls around me started forming the ‘cool gang’ in school and my locality! For them I was always a misfit or an insult to their ‘cool’ group! They laughed at me if I tried dressing up like them, they laughed at me if I dressed like myself, they laughed at me if I wore heels, they laughed if I didn’t, according to them, I was born ugly and was supposed to be laughed at! I felt humiliated an dishonored but things didn’t changed. I had accepted the fact that I was ugly and god had taken some kind of revenge by making me the way I was! Still a hope existed in my heart that things will get better when I step in college as college crowd is better than that of school!
I entered the college with many excitements and some fears in heart. Soon, after commencement of our semesters we had fresher party, where we had to go in couples. I saw the pretty girls of my class getting approached by tens of boys, but nobody approached me, I felt cornered and rejected yet again. My looks proved that I will never be able to find affection from anyone.
Time changed and I started focusing on my studies, I was a good performer in class now. Teachers had started appreciating me for my good grades, some of my classmates became my friends because they needed help in studies. I found it selfish of them but still I entertained them because the idea of cornered again and yet again had started haunting me!
Out of all the friends which I had in my group, I had started falling for one of my guy-friend. He was indeed a great friend and respected me alot, but I knew he will never like me as in the way I liked him. I wanted to try once, but becoming a ‘butt of joke’ again was a nightmare for me. I stayed silent and he found some girl for himself. I felt rejected but I bared with it quietly, as they said I was ugly!
I passed out from college and found a job for myself, by this time alot of things had changed, people didn’t discriminated in terms of looks atleast on professional level. They employed you if you prove that you had brains. Still, girls who were prettier grabbed more attention of the senior men, and got better opportunities. I had to put up a brave fight at every damn level. Still, I fought for my survival!
Few years rolled by, my parents had started looking for a suitable match for me, but nobody wanted to marry me. For obvious reason, I was 4 feet, 11 inches and resembled any Red Indian you would have came across. Many parents rejected me for their sons saying how can they marry their sons to such a ‘ugly’ girl, whereas the guys put me down saying, that everything is OK about me, but still they need a wife who is representable, and I was surely not that! Some asked for huge dowry in return of marrying an ‘ugly’ girl like me!
My fears and insecurities of teens had come back again and yet again! The world was teaching me, that in a MAN-made world, an ‘ugly’ WOman [as they call me] has no space! May be the ‘MAN’-kind has named us ‘WO’-man because they find us as an object which is suppose to ‘WOO’men!
I decided that I will never marry! I will never let any man see that part of my soul which I think isn’t ‘ugly’. I don’t know why the world is obsessed with fairer skin but I loved my dark skin!
I am 30 now, and a successful career woman! My parents don’t force me to get married anymore as they have also understood that not everyone has got a ‘soul-mate’ in this world! And I have decided something, some years down the line, I will adopt an ‘ugly’ girl and teach her that how ‘fair’ the world is to the ‘fairer’ skin and how ‘unfair’ the world is to the ‘darker’ skin!