A Friend or More

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A Friend or More

I was still conscious of the fact that he won’t be there for long. I didn’t want to show my concern but we both knew emotionally and mentally I was dependent on him. It was he who showed me the world and how to handle it. I was an empty soul when I reached here, like a mud waiting to be moulded into better human and it was he who helped me to be like this. Despite of my irrational nature he never said anything. He had the same power of reading my mood from my face very similar to you. I don’t know how but he just did. I couldn’t escape from him. I had to tell everything. He could read slightest of the strain over my face. He was more than a friend my family, my guardian, my doctor, my teacher mentor as if I couldn’t imagine this place without him. Whenever college comes to my mind it was his figure that stays in front of my eyes. There are no words that can describe his importance for me and he knows it.

I reached back on January the 5th; I could see people talking about last few days at college and brooding over it but it wasn’t materialistic to me. I had other aspects to think about not like the people around me. Three days gone without any great conversation between us. When I woke he was gone and when he came back I was asleep. Then the day came when at last we faced each other. Starting was quiet; eventually things were getting carried over. Anything we said sentiments were clear. The pain could be seen in each other eyes. The only thing left was to shed tears but boys. We are weakest at it. I went to sleep soon knowing that I was about to flow across the brim We didn’t talk on this topic for the rest of time. I tried to divert myself in other things. Basketball was my saviour again, knowing that CAT was round the corner I chose Basket Ball over it. My life and my thoughts, thoughts those are random and reckless. I acted like an complete idiot but still those are mine not someone else’s. The least I could do was to remain loyal to my feelings. Reason was simple I wanted my mind to stay calm until he left. I couldn’t let him show that I felt weak without him. Then I felt unstable knowing he’ll be off soon, a whole big punch was pushed through my stomach. A big vacuum created I front of my eyes parting everything which I felt was once my.

I feared the dooms day which wasn’t so far. Days were passing by so soon I couldn’t even count. This is the worst experience of relativity. A second becomes infinite when you are paralysed by ugly streak of emotions and even a day seems to be a second when you need it the most”. I remember the night two days before Siddhartha left, we were on our bed either side, lights off, waiting for the night to engulf us and discussing what we did that day. I said “this is our last night in college when we are talking to each other in this fashion”. A scrutinizing shiver passed through my spine and right now it wasnt different from the previous one. This is the power of love or whatever you call it; it can make you feel nostalgic for a person who is thousands of kilometres away. After that none of us said anything just waiting to sleep and thinking about the last day together in the college. He was busy that day, so was I. We didn’t want to face each other because we knew what would be the consequences. Then finally the time of farewell, the farewell I gave to Siddhartha.

I drank as much I could I wanted to cry that night and only thing I needed was shoulder to cry upon. I didn’t want to wake you up so texted you, you called. In English one would call it farewell but there are no words in any language that can describe the pain of separation. I shouted as a mad man, shouted in room full of sorrow and joy. I just shouted because I couldn’t do anything else. When you called I cried until we stopped talking, until I slept, until I wasn’t thinking, until I lost my senses. When I cried over the phone I had totally surrendered myself to you, as a small pampered kid crying in his mother’s arms wanted to be consoled over a reason which he also knew is impossible to stop. I made you cry also, I said whatever was buried in my heart for you. I couldn’t see you in more pain and me in regret of not telling you at that time. I only remembered few things of that night as I could barely walk and there were only two things in my mind Siddhartha would be leaving tomorrow and myself being alone…



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